You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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