You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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