My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
