***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
