I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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