I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
