I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
