Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
