I puked a lego.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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