Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
