And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
