Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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