guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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