Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
