when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
