filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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