you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
