I can tuck mytits in my pants
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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