there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
