Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
