I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're like the curious george of whores
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
