I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
