how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize