I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
