why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
