i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
