You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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