Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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