My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize