you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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