I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
