That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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