I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even my vagina gasped.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
