your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
