i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't turn off my feet"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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