She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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