I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
