apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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