put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
