My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
