He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.