he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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