i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
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Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god