o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.