After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.