Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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