I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
