even my farts smell like vagina
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
