you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
