eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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