So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
