We're facebook friends in real life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
