Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
