I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
