i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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