What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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