is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
