Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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