I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
