Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
