haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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