Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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