which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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