just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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