Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
