He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
