Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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