Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
