I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
