if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
